It was result day. My parents had walked inside the house in pin drop silence and then, my mother burst out crying. Amongst the cries and conversations, I could catch only one word – Cancer.
Six years ago, when I was in my 12th grade, I had been for a trip and on one of those nights, I felt a shooting pain in my left femur (thigh bone). It was unbearable and quite immediately, the rounds to the hospitals began. I had a feeling that something was wrong, but that day, my life changed. Having been a healthy guy with no bad habits at all, my heart dropped when I found out that I had been diagnosed with cancer. Like most people, I immediately googled and started my research but all it did was make things worse for me. The feeling of imminent doom felt ordinary. What scared me the most was my mom and her actions in case things went down with me. It really broke my heart to watch them suffer as this was devastating news.
Thereafter, we really had no choice but to do everything that we possibly could. Neither did I want to, nor did I run away from my battle. For my chemotherapy, I had to move to Mumbai with my mother. With each day and cycle of chemo that passed by, I turned weaker and uglier. It hit bad when I couldn’t even do my daily chores by myself and had to use crutches to walk around! Believe me, it was one of the toughest phases of my life. What really helped was having my biggest strength beside me – my mother. I could say that she gave birth to me twice, with the second one being me being born with an optimistic soul. I guess it also helped me as I never let it take control of me, but I felt grateful for what it taught me. 8 chemotherapies and 5 successful operations, I was cancer free. The funny part of life is that when you are detected with something big, the whole universe conspires to motivate you!
Guess what? This isn’t really where my story ends. There is another major part of my life that came out of its folds in this time. Cancer gave me a whole lot of confidence and new perspective to live my life. Although I always had the knowledge that I was different, I could never point out what. It was during college that I perceived the answer to this. I was dating a girl then, but one day, some guy in Delhi metro touched me and instead of it making me feel inappropriate, I felt a chill run down my spine. I actually liked his touch and my heart felt that this is needed as much as we need air to breathe! There, at that point of time, my world turned upside down. This is how my journey of exploring my sexuality and finally identified myself as a bisexual.
It took me some time to feel confident and deal with all that came with it. One of the firsts to whom I confessed about my sexuality were my flat-mates and they had a positive response to it. It made me believe that some people will love me for who I am. My parents are still unaware of my sexuality and I really don’t know how they are going to react to this. My mother even asked me to marry someone, but when denied it, she thought that it’s one of my generation’s tantrums. With time, when I’ll have to face the situation, I’ll hold onto the gift that my mother gave me when I fought cancer – an optimistic soul. So, from being a reckless and selfish human being then, it took a life-threatening disease to change me and my dreams. I now have a small dream, the one where I live a peaceful healthy life with my loved ones around me.
I have also got this thought that I’d like to share with you all. Freedom is to be who you are, not to look down or call names because of anyone’s gender, sexuality, race, caste, religion, body, or any other criteria that has been predefined by the society to define a human being. I am sure one day people will treat us like everyone else. One day, we won’t be a marginalized community, but a single community of humans where everyone will spread love and be kind to one another. It makes me believe in myself and that I can fight the toughest of wars!
Total Work Experience : 4 Years (SAP)